


Alien Rituals: 101

by LdyAnne



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: mcsmooch, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-07
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LdyAnne/pseuds/LdyAnne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aliens have rituals.  They want John and Rodney to be a part of them. Written for McSmooch</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alien Rituals: 101

Rodney stared at John, his mouth wide open, "What do you mean, no?" he demanded, flabbergasted.

Sheppard turned to him slowly and his answer was calm and easy, "Just what I said, Rodney. No. Is that too hard for you to understand?" But he gave Rodney his best level, steely-eyed stare. Rodney could hear the 'shut up, now, Rodney,' but he refused to be cowed.

"It's not that hard, Colonel, and it would prove to these people that we could be trusted." Rodney crossed his arms and thrust out his chin in his most determined manner. He looked over at Teyla and Ronon expecting them to back him up. They needed all the friends in Pegasus they could get. And it wasn't like the natives were asking for blood sacrifices or anything this time.

Teyla just raised an eyebrow. It was her 'you're on your own' eyebrow. Rodney scowled at Ronon but he just shrugged and moved back a step holding his hands out.

"Look," Rodney tried again, but the colonel interrupted him.

"No. You look, Rodney," Sheppard hissed back, "we're not going to do it. If these people want allies against the wraith they'll come up with something else." He turned away from Rodney to Teyla. "See if there's anything else we can do to prove our trustworthiness," he instructed her tersely.

Teyla, the traitor, inclined her head, "Of course, John. The people of this planet know that their way is not everyone's way. They have many methods for us to prove our trustworthiness."

"I don't care if they want us to streak through a wraith hiveship bare-assed naked, we're not doing this."

Rodney regarded Sheppard with narrowed eyes. "I don't quite see the problem here, Colonel," he said coldly, finally coming to conclusions of his own as to why Sheppard might not want to go through with this particular ritual. "Unless you're just too chickenshit to kiss another man."

Sheppard whirled on him, "Drop it now, Rodney," he barked. "It's not going to happen."

Rodney took a step back, startled at the finality in Sheppard's voice. He pressed his lips into a thin line and stared at Sheppard. "Fine," he snapped.

"Fine," Sheppard snapped back.

And that seemed to be that.

Teyla did convince the natives that they should be allowed to participate in a different ritual to prove their worth as trading partners.

But Rodney couldn't let it go. It was their one chance at an aliens-made-them-do-it sex ritual and Sheppard had said no. It was one of the most inexplicable things Rodney had ever heard of.

It festered in him the entire time they were on the planet taking part in the alternate ritual which involved each of them leading the other one around blindfolded and not letting them get hurt. The ritual went on for hours. Somehow Rodney ended being the one who was blindfolded and lead around. It made him feel helpless and small, which yes, was probably the point of the exercise. It was kind of cool that Sheppard was his partner and he took excessive care to make sure that Rodney didn't trip or fall over flat on his face. Having Sheppard's voice in his ear, speaking only to him was kind of cool, too.

Still, it wasn't nearly as much fun as a kissing ritual.

And it proved nothing to Rodney. He already knew that he could trust his team with his life. He wanted to take part in the kissing ritual. With Sheppard. But Sheppard had said no.

He managed to maintain his silence until they were on the trek back home where he waited until Teyla and Ronon were far enough up the trail that they couldn't hear and he fell into step with Sheppard.

"Come on," Rodney knew he was whining, but he couldn't help himself. Seriously, alien sex ritual. Sheppard had turned it down. "It was just one little kissing ritual. It's not even like it's really sex. It wouldn't hurt your heterosexual cred."

Sheppard stopped and stared at him. "Did you seriously just say 'heterosexual cred?'" He shook his head and held up a hand. "No, no, never mind. I said no, Rodney. Can we just drop this?" He started off down the trail to catch up with Teyla and Ronon.

Rodney caught his arm and whirled him back around. "Who put your in charge here?" Rodney challenged him.

"The United States Air Force put me in charge, Rodney," Sheppard said, doing his best to keep his tone even and calm. "You know. My boss. They kind of frown on men kissing other men."

"Oh, please," Rodney sneered at him. "I bet the SGC has protocols for alien sex rituals. I mean, it's got to have happened to SG-1 all the time." Rodney had been looking forward to his first alien sex ritual. He maybe had even fantasized about it a little. What Sheppard would taste like. How his lips would feel.

Rodney had always imagined how it would go.

 _They would hear the aliens' request and Sheppard's face would go still and closed. "No," he would say, "we won't do that."_

 _Teyla would step forward then. She would say low so only they could hear, "I am sorry, Colonel, they are most insistent. I'm afraid," she would give a sweeping glance at the looming natives and their big, pointy weapons, "that if you do not do this then it would be very bad for us." They would see the children playing quietly nearby and the women of the village watching them anxiously._

 _"Teyla," John would say helplessly, knowing they had no choice. "I can't ask you to do this."_

 _Rodney knew his heart would be beating a million miles a minute, but he would step forward. "I'll do it," he would declare bravely. He practiced in his mirror sometimes to make sure he could say it without his voice breaking._

 _"Rodney," John would lock eyes with him and they'd have a silent conversation where they'd know nothing would ever be the same between them again, but they had no choice. It was sex or die._

Death or sex? Rodney knew which he'd choose.

Now Sheppard had ruined it all.

John ground his teeth together before answering, "Well, it's not going to happen on our team, Rodney, because it's stupid. You can't prove that you're a trustworthy trading partner by kissing another man."

"How do you know?" Rodney shouted at him. "You wouldn't even try it."

Sheppard stared at Rodney, breathing hard. Rodney was breathing just as hard. For just a second he thought Sheppard might kiss him right then and there, just to spite Rodney. That might have even been his plan. But then Sheppard gave an aggrieved huff.

"It's not happening, McKay, get over it already." He turned away then and really did begin up the path toward the gate. Teyla and Ronon were so far ahead of them that Rodney couldn't even see them.

"But why?" Rodney persisted. "Is it the gay thing?"

"No, Rodney, it's not the gay thing," Sheppard answered shortly, clearly not willing to talk about it. But that had never stopped Rodney before. If not getting answers had stopped him, he would never have gotten out of the first grade.

"Well, then, what is it?" He trailed after Sheppard. "Because I have to tell you, you've just ruined one of my all-time greatest fantasies of the Pegasus Galaxy. Just once the natives aren't wanting to sacrifice us, or give us to the Wraith or wanting to kill us in any way, and you said no. I really don't understand..."

Suddenly, without warning, Rodney found himself shoved up against a tree, Sheppard's body solidly pinning him in place.

"Rodney, I swear to god, if you don't shut up..." he trailed off.

"What?" Rodney whispered. "Just tell me why you wouldn't kiss me back there."

Sheppard groaned and Rodney could feel it vibrating all through his body where they were pressed together.

"Because," was all Sheppard said.

"Because?"

Sheppard was holding his shoulders, but it wasn't a holding-him-in-place kind of hold so much as it was a holding-him kind of hold. "Sheppard?"

Sheppard stared at him, and Rodney wasn't sure what he was seeing reflected in his eyes.

"John?"

"Because, Rodney..." Sheppard licked his lips and looked away. Rodney didn't say a word, afraid of breaking the moment and he'd never find out what John was going to say. John took a breath and turned back to look Rodney steadily in the eye. "Because if I ever start kissing you, Rodney, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop," he said at last.

Then he leaned in and kissed Rodney. It was slow and sweet, a kind of getting-to-know-you kiss. Rodney opened his mouth greedily wanting all of John that he could get. And kissing John was the best thing ever. Although he'd never tell him, Rodney thought kissing John was better than winning the Nobel prize. Statistically you could only win the Nobel once, but John he could kiss for the rest of his life and never get tired of it.

When Sheppard pulled away, Rodney grabbed his tac vest and pulled him back in. "Hey," he complained, "you said you weren't going to stop."

The next kiss was hot and urgent, with tongues and teeth. John kissed with his whole body, pushing up against Rodney so that he was glad he had a tree behind him holding them both up. When Rodney finally pushed John away they were both breathing hard.

"Okay, we have to stop," Rodney gritted out. It was completely gratifying that John whined low in the back of his throat and leaned back in. It took all of Rodney's self control to put a hand on his chest and push him away, "Seriously," he panted, "I don't want our first time to be up against a tree, John. I want a bed where it's soft and comfortable and we can take our time."

John leaned back in for one more kiss before he nodded and moved away. "You really are a genius, aren't you?"

Rodney smirked at him. "I'm still mad at you that I didn't get my alien sex ritual."

John grinned at him, slow and dirty. "Well, after we've debriefed, maybe I'll let you tie me up and we can have a ritual of our own."

Rodney stared at him. "You don't for one minute imagine that that's a good line, do you?" Rodney pushed himself away from the tree that was holding him up. He started up the trail. He'd gone several steps before he turned back when he realized that John wasn't following. "Well?" he huffed impatiently waving a hand in front of him.

John didn't answer; he just smiled as he followed Rodney down the trail back to the stargate and home.

The trip home was the most tediously slow one Rodney had ever experienced. John took delight in torturing him by stopping to rest about fifteen times. Then they had to debrief. But finally, finally, they were in Rodney's quarters and John had him pushed up against the wall, kissing him again. John's mouth was warm and mobile and Rodney could stand there forever just kissing him.

"Bed," he mumbled against John's mouth as John worked at his belt buckle.

"You really are a genius," John mumbled back.

Later that night as they lay wrapped around one another, sticky and sated, John whispered, "You still mad that you didn't get your ritual?"

Rodney carded his fingers through John's hair enjoying its soft, silky texture. "No," he answered thoughtfully. "If one of the others had tried to kiss you, I would have had to kill them and that could only end badly."

John chuckled into Rodney's neck, his breath warm. "You know you're going to have to keep this... us secret?"

Rodney lifted up on one elbow to stare down at John in mock horror. "What? You mean I can't tell my minion that I'm sleeping with the hottest guy in Atlantis?" Rodney rolled his eyes. "Please. I'm a genius. Of course I know that."" His voice softened as he leaned down press soft kisses to John's lips. "But it's worth it. You're worth it."

And then John kissed him back.

  


  


  
End Notes:   


  


With thanks for my Beta, the wonderful chocolatephysicist. You always make my stories better. Any mistakes remaining are my own.

  


  


  


  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

  


This story archived at <http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=14447>  



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